Thursday, December 22, 2011

Who Will Bell The C-A-T

I took a long break, didn't I?
Was out on a  a WILD-GOOSE Chase
I was following my dream, it did not work out so well. Anyways, show must go on, and it does.

I'll be out travelling the next 2 weeks. I'll be visiting Niha, a few of my other friends, my relatives and of course my in-laws and my parents. I hope to have some fun!

All of you have a wonderful X'mas.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

My experience with the truth

Jan 2 2011, the day I was officially engaged, from the very moment there was one person who was constantly worried - my mother. She tried her best to instill in me the same fear, every bit of it. She preached to me the need of being more mature, more responsible and more patient - day and night. I think it would be a wise idea to introduce a few characters, before I jump into the scene. My mom (Lead role), My sister (supporting - none of was sure as to who she is supporting), My brother, My dad (silent listener) and me.

Jan 3rd 2011 - 11:00 AM

Mom: Please wake up! It's 11 already.

Me: Please Ma, just 15 more mins.

Mom: It's a shame girl. Is this the time a girl your age should wake up? When are you going to get responsible? You are getting married in 2 weeks. Are you planning to wake up at 11, when you are at your in-law's? ...(never ends). she walks out

could have been 10 mins after this conversation...

My bro: Could you please wake up? Please! I am trying to watch a show here. Ma, goes on and on and on. She doesn't let me hear it. She might stop if you get up.

Me: Get out! Close the door behind your back.

My bro: Mom is right, you are a peace of work.

Me: Which part of the word GET OUT.... (I heard the door close)...did you not understand (I screamed out at him).

I tried to sleep again, but the drama was too much, it took away my desire to sleep.

I woke up and sat on the bed for a minute or two and walked into the living room. My dad was sitting there reading newspaper. He smiled. I greeted him "Good Morn". He looked at the clock and then looked at me. Not a word, but I got the message. 25 years together, I wonder why mom couldn't learn the technique from him.can't she see the benefits?

I walked into the kitchen. Mom didn't speak, and that was freaking me out!

Me: Mom!

No response

Me: I am hungry.

Mom: Have your breakfast quickly, you are cooking lunch today.

Me: What? I can't cook. (I have had nothing to contribute to our kitchen, the only time I remember this part of the house is when I am hungry)

Mom:In that case you get nothing to eat.

Me: This is so barbaric.

My sis: She is right. What are you gonna do when you reach his place. What you guys gonna eat? It's gonna be a shame if you say, you can't cook.

Me: Don't start.

My sis: What about me, do I get something to eat? she asked mom

Mom: You help her, and start learning now, don't have to wait till we fix your marriage.

Sis: No no no nooooooo.....

Mom: Why not? Why are you girls so hesitant about cooking?

Sis: Mom, don't worry about me, I have decided that I am not getting married.

Mom: Huh!

Me: Why are you so worried about us cooking? Cooking ain't rocket science. We'll learn. It will just happen. Besides, we have google, google is the new bible. I can browse all recipes.

Mom: Well, I like to see that happen today.... If you please. (sarcasm)

Sis: Mom, she shouldn't be worried about cooking now... (I told you! she supports everyone)

Me: Yeah, I should be worried about my makeup, my gown, my hair do, jewelry.......oh!
We went on and on and came to a point where we couldn't figure out who is talking to whom, and who is taking whose side. We became little too noisy I guess.

Bro: Who said nothing is impossible?

Sis: Hitler.

Bro: I wasn't expecting an answer! Anyways, ask him to try watching TV while there are 3 uncivilized women in the house.

Mom: You worried about watching TV? I am worried about her future.

she said pointing at me. what? what does she mean? cooking is my future?

Bro: What 'bout my future? I am trying to listen to cricket commendatory. That's my future. I want to be a cricket commentator.

Me: Since when? Is that a future? (to be honest I did not care a darn about what his ambitions are- at least at that point, My idea was to channelize her fear, worry and the rest onto him). Ma, did you hear that?

Mom: Are you serious? I want you to be an engineer. Is this the reason why you are scoring so low for your exams? Mom, turned to talk to my brother

I looked at my sister and smiled victoriously, I signalled her to scoot.

Sis: Mom, Can't you see this? Dhi is trying to divert your attention.

Did you just hear that? This is what happens when you have twins at home. They stand united, Always, AAAAlways. To add to that, my sis is the greatest flip flopper the world has ever seen.

My dad came in to the scene. He follows the Japanese 'Just in Time' principle. 

Dad: Girls, get back to your room.

Dhi, call your friends and let me know how many rooms need to be booked. He told me.

Go watch TV he told my brother.

Why do you want them to cook, we have enough left from the engagement function. She'll learn. She knows everything. She is just trying to enjoy the last few days at home. Let her. Let her worry about the gown, make up, hair and all....

I heard him from my room. Didn't hear any response from my mom. From my experience I can say, she is not all that happy.

Later at night I went through the refrigerator to see what raw materials I have at my disposal, came back and googled for recipes. I woke up early (relatively) the next day, Mom wasn't home, she had gone to the church. I started cooking. I had the recipe from google, all ingredients from the refrigerator and moral support from my sister. I managed to do it before mom was back. As soon as she reached I dragged her into the kitchen and made her taste my dish. I saw tears rolling up in her eyes.

Me: Oh! don't be a bollywood Ma. I know you are happy, now, don't cry.

Mom: Can't help it.

Me: Ma.

Mom: Those are not tears of happiness. Your dish is to spicy that it made my eyes watery.


Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My Conversation With A Seven Year Old

Part 2

Niha, my friend's seven year old daughter. She was the sweetest little thing I have ever seen. Her hair neatly tied into a pony tail, she wore a denim shorts and a white T. I asked her few questions about her school, teachers, friends and a lot more. She answered all my questions, all along I was wondering 'How on the hell could she be a pain in the a**'? like her mother hinted.

Me: Are you hungry? Let's have lunch?
7 year old: Alright, what have you got?
Me: You'll see. (I smiled)
7 year old: I better like what I see.  (She frowned)

7 year old: Carrots? Yuck!
Me: You don't like them? They are good.
7 year old: phew!
Me: You'll have beautiful eyes if you eat carrots. Havn't you seen the rabbit's?
(My attempt to make her eat)
7 year old: That's so funny. Do I look like a stupid?
Me: Kids like carrots, Kids like their food colorful.
7 year old: I am the kid here, you think you know better?

Me: Do you like Maggi?
7 year old: Nope.
Me: Can I make a peanut butter sandwich for you?
7 year old: Nope.
Me: What do you want?
7 year old: Watch TV! (her eyes still glued to the TV)
Me: To eat?
7 year old: Nothing.
I raised my voice hoping she would eat.
7 year old: Why do all women think that screaming would solve all their problems?
Me: Who told you that? Your dad? (fortunately or unfortunately, he is my friend too)
7 year old: I can see it for myself, mom does it, Grandma does it, now Dhi, you do it as well.
(she is smart if she observed that, isn't she?)

I didn't know what to say.
Me: Come lets go out and eat.
7 year old: Do I get to decide, where?
Me: Nope
7 year old: When do I get to decide things?
Me: Wait another 10 years.
7 year old: That's too long
Me: Tell me about it.

I took her to EFC knowing she would like it there, I was right, she ate without complaining and a smile on her face.  On our way back I took her shopping for her birthay gift that I owed her. She bought 2 puzzle books. We had fun and gradually the tension between us seemed to be fading.

Later over the phone.
My friend: How was it? Was she any trouble.
Me: Not very.
My friend: No tell me, very frankly.
Me: What, You didn't leave her with me for character analysis. Did you?
She wasn't very satisfied with my answer.
Me: I am guessing that, she is gonna grow into a very smart, intelligent and pretty woman, but with a lot of attitude issues.
My Friend: I know, I get scared sometimes. I guess, I am a bad mother. How am I gonna fix her?
Me: Don't worry about fixing her, she is not faulty. She just need some guidance, Mom is gonna come and stay with you guys right? She will get what she needs, she'll be fine.
I happened to talk to Niha few days back over the phone, I can already see (hear) the difference.
Grandparents ROCK!

Friday, August 19, 2011

My Conversation With A Seven Year Old

Part 1

It was a perfect tuesday, my husband had left for work and there I was peacefully reading the days newspaper. I got a call on my phone (quite unusual for this time of the day). To my surprise it was my long time friend. We kinda share a symbiotic relationship.
Me: hello
My Friend: Kya haal hai?
Me: Huh?
My Friend: Forget it! I need a small favour.
Me: Sure U do!
My Friend: Mom is at the hospital, Davis (her husband) is not around. I need to get to the hospital. I don't want to take Niha (her daughter) with me. U know she can really be a pain in the A** at times. Can you baby-sit her?
Me: What? Is she around you? U can't use words like that in front of a six year old.
My Friend: Seven
Me: Huh?
My Friend: She is seven, not six. She turned six last week. Niha was upset that u did not wish her.
Me: Oh! I totally forgot.
(Isn't my friend smart, not only did she divert my question and to be followed advisory notes on how to bring up a child, she managed to make me feel guilty about not wishing her kid. I do have to baby-sit Niha now)

To be continued...

Back Again

Back again... this time for good (I hope).
When I logged in,the very first glance, I knew my page needs some clean up. And I wanted it fast. So, I deleted all the old posts :). Things have changed a lot, new place, new people, new ways ...

1. I resigned (yup, unemployed!)

2. I am back in India, staying happily and merrily with my husband (Isn't that just lovely?)

3. Decided to go back to college and get an MBA degree (I still have doubts about the whole endeavour, But this time I have nothing to loose :)).